April 2025
- Linda Favero
- Apr 24
- 5 min read
Asking for feedback at work (and in life) is a great way to grow and show initiative, but how you ask matters. Many people feel awkward giving feedback, which can make it vague or unhelpful. Interestingly, studies show that asking for advice instead of feedback leads to more useful and constructive responses. Advice feels forward-looking and actionable, and people enjoy giving it because it makes them feel valued and invested in your success. Let's explore strategies for asking, giving, and creating a culture of continuous learning through giving and receiving advice.
3 Musings on Seeking Advice.
1. Asking For Advice.
In a recent interview on the 10% Happier podcast with Dan Harris, Professor Susan Ashford discusses her new book, "The Power of Flexing." She explains that by adopting a learning mindset, seeking advice (rather than feedback), managing emotions, and reflecting on experiences, we can achieve real personal growth and become more interpersonally effective at work (and life).
Advice is fuel: Actively seek diverse advice to gauge progress and adjust our approach, remembering that asking for advice often yields better results than asking for feedback.
Emotion management: Learn to recognize and regulate our emotions to stay open to learning opportunities and avoid defensiveness.
Growth is an ongoing process: Remember to be patient and compassionate with ourselves.
In "Thanks for the Feedback," authors Doug Stone and Sheila Heen (thanks to Suzi Wear for the recommendation) offer 6 steps on how to be a better receiver of advice. Taking advice well is a process of sorting and filtering. We need to understand the other person's point of view, try out ideas that may at first seem a poor fit, and experiment with different ways of doing things.
Know our tendencies and mind our defensiveness and rejections
Disentangle the "what" from the "who," and our conversation will be richer
Sort toward coaching, not an indictment of what we have done in the past
Unpack the advice and ask clarifying questions for better discernment
Ask for just one thing that is specific and from a variety of people
Engage in small experiments and ask again if people have seen shifts
Women superstar athletes Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird were recently on Adam Grant's "Think Again" podcast and shared a great metaphor on the "absence of feedback." Sue Bird said (at timestamp 35 minutes), "It's like shooting a 3-pointer and not knowing whether it went in or out."
Our growth depends on our ability to extract value from criticism (advice), despite our natural responses, and on our willingness to seek out even more advice and coaching from bosses, peers, and subordinates. Requesting advice communicates humility, respect, passion for excellence, and confidence.
2. Giving Advice.
Stone and Heen also share how to set the right tone when giving advice by getting to know our people and how they learn effectively. Begin all relationships by asking these 4 questions:
What kind of advice is most helpful to you?
What sort of coaching would be most useful?
What should I know about how you receive advice that would help me give you advice constructively?
What's your thinking on the role of advice and how to give it? What do you find challenging about it, and what can I do to help?
Once we know our colleague, it's time to prepare ourselves so we are heard, and our intent is received. Laurent Valosek and Jeremy Blitz-Jones from Peak Leadership Institute offer these strategies:
Anchor ourselves in the right mindset with an emphasis on support and growth
Choose the right time and place, and ask if they are open to a conversation
Be specific about the observed behavior without judgment
Get the nonverbal part right with our tone, body language, and eye contact
Don't fear silence to allow for thoughtful processing and responding
Mind the generational gap, as we all have different communication preferences
Remember to ask for advice regularly from our team members, because it models necessary leadership behavior and promotes an open, growth-oriented, high-performance culture.
Advice-giving is a muscle to strengthen. Begin with low-stakes situations and work our way up to more sensitive areas for improvement, such as patterns of behavior or communication.
3. Creating a Culture of Continuous Giving and Receiving.
Leaders at all levels need to give and receive advice to be their best. According to DDI's Global Leadership Forecast 2025 research, many leaders want more advice than they are currently receiving. Employees who receive advice from their manager are 9 times more likely to trust them. Leaders wish to and need continuous advice to be most effective, yet much of the feedback they receive is infrequent and delayed.
When leaders receive continuous advice, DDI reports many benefits:
Better communication and collaboration, which increases vulnerability
More flexibility and agility to develop in real time and make needed shifts
Higher engagement and stronger relationships
Ongoing development tracks progress and makes timely course corrections
The authors recommend 3 best practices for implementing this continuous advice loop and creating a safe culture with supportive and helpful communication:
Make it clear and specific with a small set of relevant behaviors
Make it timely, moments after an event, while it is fresh and memorable
Make sure it's helpful and sincere, including specific praise
Building this type of culture doesn't happen overnight, but continuous communication is the foundation that makes it possible. When advice becomes a habit, leaders stay more engaged, teams collaborate more effectively, and innovation thrives. Over time, this shift leads to stronger performance, not just for individual leaders but for the entire organization.
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